"Spring"time malaise, and ruminations on performing in our daily lives...

Hi all! It's been an interesting week as I wrap up my grading and course-related work, and segue back into writing project mode.  It's been a refreshing change, to be sure, as I do tend to get burned out from the intensive teaching that we do for the first 10 weeks of every semester (anywhere from 8-13 sections of the same library research lab). This semester I had the lowest number I've ever had, which is 8, and while it was much more manageable in terms of preparation, grading, and email management, it still very much crushes my spirit a bit. It's draining, it's monotonous, and frankly, it can be unfulfilling. It *can* be fulfilling, depends on the class and the week, to be sure. But every semester, when we are wrapping up this portion of our duties, I breathe a sigh of relief for a break from that harried routine. It's extremely refreshing to have other tasks for a spell, to have a chance to recharge and feel inspired again to teach in the fall.

Earlier this winter, I mentioned that I was struggling quite a bit with seasonal depression. I know, though, that it was also related to what I just discussed above. I took it hard when the spring semester started in late January, and my lovely holiday break and winter quiet time turned into chaos once again. I've been working on mitigating that with some natural remedies and prayer, and it has indeed helped. With the summer approaching, I know that the break from teaching will be the most important factor of all in helping me to recover my perkiness.

But the weather? Let's just say that is decidedly NOT helping.

April is not very springy in WNY. It's a factor of living on the volatile Great Lakes, it's just part of our climate. April is a transition month, very akin to November. Following the gorgeous foliage and cozy cool temperatures of September and October, November is gray, rainy, cold and gloomy, interspersed with occasional pleasant days. So is April. And that's OK. But every once in a while, you get an April like this one. And April 2018 is gray, rainy, cold and gloomy, but interspersed with high wind warnings, pelting mixed precipitation, snow squalls, hail, winter storm watches, and regular ice dams on your windshield. It has been rather miserable, and I'm getting weary of bracing myself for the walk out to my little Honda Fit every evening after work.

Everybody has been talking about the effect this long winter has had on our emotional well-being. We're looking to bust out of this funk we've been in. :0

In other, but related, news, I have some professional dance gigs coming up, and it's caused me to realize what a dramatic turn my life has taken over the years. We went from:

(A) voted shyest in her high school senior class; to

(B) gets up in front of people daily for either public speaking or dramatic Middle Eastern dancing.

It's quite the 360, let me tell you. And the thing is, although I've gotten slightly more confident as I've aged, the reality of the situation is that both of the things mentioned in (B) still make me all:

😳😬😳

I need to psych myself up to both daily, and afterward, both leave me drained. My dance instructors are going to Egypt for nearly a month, and are passing on gigs to me while they're away. All I could think when they told me this was:

"Please God. Let them hurry back!!"

Because I may be a quivering mass of sparkles in the corner by the time they return in mid-May. Restaurants on New Year's Eve are one thing. Surprise birthday parties, with their potential for countless instances of social awkwardness, are quite another. 😱

It's interesting, but *that* is what I worry about with teaching, too. Embarrassing myself. Saying something stupid. Tripping over my own feet and collapsing in a heap at the front of the classroom. I want to do a good job, sure. But more than anything, I fear feeling incompetent and letting myself down. The shy little girl from my K-12 years hasn't totally gone away. I tamp her down a lot better then I ever have, but I don't think a person ever completely changes inherent parts of who they are.

Life takes lots of unexpected turns, to be sure. I'll take my life now over my younger self, any day. It does still have it's challenges, though.

As we await summer, I've been busily knitting some baby gifts and catching up on my reading. My current reads are Lethal Licorice (Amish Candy Shop Mystery #2), and The Tomb (Living Water series, book 3). I'm thinking we can start up our summer book club (which will be apologetics themed!) in July. Sound like a plan?

How is this spring season treating you? Has it been as spring-less for you as it has for me? ;-) Write in and regale me with details!

"What day is it?!" Adventures in frenzied librarianship...

Wow. Where to start...You'll notice that today is usually Book Club Day. And well...I forgot the book. 😱 When you hear about my past 2 days you'll understand why.

Let's start with Monday. Grab your coffee!

Monday morning heralds a string of text messages from my colleagues. Our students have an automated quiz to complete this week, and there's been a problem with the course management system not granting them partial credit like we had intended. They are receiving either a 100, or a 0, and as you can imagine, this is generating some angst. I start class at 9 am on Mondays, so I rushy rushy at home to get into work and fix this before my first class begins. When I open my email I already have a half dozen questions about this problem, and I'd rather not accumulate more to have to deal with. The issue when we encounter a problem like this is that we're all teaching 10 sections of this same lab. When we have to change something in class #1, we have to change it in all 10. That's a lot of mundane mouse clicking for a Monday morning, but I manage. It makes me run a few minutes late, but I finish, and rush off to class in the other library building.

Immediately upon my arrival, my colleague that I teach with in that time slot informs me of yet another problem: there's a troublesome question in the quiz. She thinks we should remove it. I look at it and agree with her.

*long suffering sighs are heard throughout the land*

We have 3 classes in a row for this Monday stretch. Between each of them, she and I are on laptops, our fingers moving at lightening speed to eliminate that quiz question, and re-set up the partial credit option. For all 10 sections, it takes a LOT longer than we wanted it to.

Class 1 comes and goes with just some questions about about quiz problem #1. While the students are working on something, I send out emails to the other sections, alerting them that the problem has been fixed. Class 2 begins, and I immediately pick up on a vibe: there is tension and dissension amongst a table towards the back of the room.  They had a group project due last week, and there is apparently strife with regards to what was turned in and who did what. As the other students are working on something else, I hear shouting coming from that table. I.KID.YOU.NOT. They were in my colleague's section, and she had to EXTRACT them from the room to deal with the problem out in the hallway. We never signed up to be K-12 teachers, y'all. Good grief!

By Class 3, we were both emotionally drained and just hanging on to make it through the morning. This group was confused when we mentioned that they (assumedly) had to write a paper for their English class, and we were here to help with that. A paper in an English Composition class? This was shocking news, apparently. :0

After that, I headed to my regular fitness class, though every muscle in my body ached to just go back to my office and build a hermitage to live in for the remainder of the week. After that, I stuffed my lunch in my mouth while answering emails and dealing with assorted other work issues. I left at 5 pm totally exhausted.

Yesterday, I had the day off from work, but it was jam packed with social outings. If you've known me for any length of time, you know that I am an introvert, and that socializing, while I very much enjoy it, isn't exactly on my list of activities that induces *relaxation.* 😅 I visited with an out-of-town friend, and we walked to Canada (long story :0). We had lunch and did lots of lovely visiting. After a rushy trip home to shower, clean up the house and tend to the children, I had a date to go out to dinner and to see Swan Lake with my mother-in-law.

*collapses*

Again, lovely, but by the time I dragged myself home at 10 pm, you could have blown me over with a wisp of wind. Today, I'm back to my regular class schedule and feeling like a nap may overtake me at any moment. And of course, I forgot our book club book. :0 And I have to prepare for a dance performance this weekend. And a small gathering we're hosting for some friends to watch the Masters golf tournament. Hermitage, anyone?

Sooooooo, tomorrow we'll have book club! And Friday we'll have Tea Time!

How was the beginning of your week? Was it as frenzied as mine?

Personality types. Do we change over time?

I was listening to the Adventures in Imperfect Living podcast yesterday on my way home from work, produced by Greg and Jennifer Willits. I've been a listener for many years, I have always enjoyed their show. This week they were talking about a free online personality test, and I have to admit, it piqued my interest. I've heard about such tests of course, as we all have, I'm sure, but I've never taken one. I wondered if my personality would now test out to be somewhat of a change for me, since I have become much more social and much less shy as I've gotten older. So when I got home and was waiting for dinner to warm on the stove, I took the test. And you can too, right here. :)

The directions caution you to take your time and answer as you truly feel, rather than as you WANT to feel about yourself. But to me, the questions were remarkably easy to answer:

"You often get so lost in thought that you ignore or forget your surroundings."

*SNORT* "Um, YEAH! Strongly agree."

"You try to respond to your emails as soon as you can, because you cannot stand a messy inbox."

"There are people who aren't crazed by messy inboxes?!"

"You often feel insecure."

"Whoa boy. Can't click Agree fast enough on that one!"

"People can rarely upset you."

*wistful sigh* "If only that could be true..."

Well. :0

I am an INFJ-T, also known as "The Advocate." This acronym stands for Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging, Turbulent. This is my little profile, if you are so inclined. Apparently, I'm quite rare. Read: WEIRD. Though Mike tested out to be the *exact* same personality type. We weird ones seek and find each other, it seems.

Soooooo, in simple terms, though much less socially awkward than I used to be, I am still an Introvert with a capital I. Whether that is good or bad, I have no notion, but there you have it. I'm still very much your introverted Catholic Librarian, but I enjoy talking to people more now. :0

What is YOUR personality type? Let's kibbitz in the comments.

A lot of mixed parenting emotions this weekend...

Hi all! I'm going into the most intense teaching block of the semester, but I'm happy to report that I'm doing a lot better today with stress management. And you all play a big part in that. ;-)

It was a sublime weekend, filled with apple picking, football watching, Mass attending, beer drinking, and general fall frivolity. And guess what else? For the first time, one of my children attended a...

SCHOOL DANCE.

*wide eyed look of terror*

Henry is in 6th grade this year, and as part of the middle school wing of his Catholic school, his class is eligible to start attending the monthly dances. Henry is an introvert like me, and I honestly didn't think he'd want to go. But apparently his friends were going and talking about it, and as we all know, that is a major impetus for school aged children. The dances are held in the school gym, extremely well-chaperoned and supervised, and are fundraisers for the middle school field trips at the end of the year, so it's not like we had a good reason to keep him home if he wanted to go. So we let him go.

Watching him jog off down the street to catch a ride with his friend whose mom was chaperoning, I teared up a bit. Henry hasn't been a "little kid" in my mind in quite some time. He's almost as tall as I am, and has needed to wear deodorant for a few years now. :0 But still. In that moment, heading towards what I knew would be a new (and potentially super awkward) social situation for him, made him seem so much smaller to me all of a sudden. I wished I could protect him from all that.

I am firm believer, though, in fostering independence in my children. It's good for him to experience and navigate certain social situations without me there, especially given his more reserved nature. It's a healthy and good thing.

I know they need parent chaperones, and I'm so grateful for the parents who do chaperone. I want to help out so that the kids can have this fun experience in such a safe environment, but...I don't want to chaperone. :0 Because I want Henry to have that independent time without me right there. I was a shy, introverted kid too. I know that it's good for him to experience some things without me, it's good for his confidence. It's different for all children depending on their personality, but given his, I think this is the way to go for him.

I mentioned this all to him on our way to Mass yesterday, that I wanted to help out, but I understood that he may not want me right there for an event like that. And do you want to know what he said?

"It's OK, Mom. You wouldn't like it anyway. It's SO LOUD there with the way the DJ plays the music. SO LOUD. You definitely wouldn't like all that noise." *small shudder*

This kid? Looks nothing like me. He's BLOND and BLUE EYED. :0 But there is no doubt about the fact that THIS IS MY CHILD! :0 Of my two children, Henry and I are definitely closer to being kindred spirits. Made me smile. :-)

How was your weekend, dear reader?

Hills, malfunctioning showers, and lots of family picnicking, on the 20th Sunday of Ordinary Time...

*collapses*

Well hello there, dear reader! It's been a bit of a busy stretch over here in Catholic Librarian-Land, and you'll notice that it's been nearly a week since I last posted. I don't like doing that, but life is like a box of chocolates, is it not? ;-) It can be unpredictable, for sure. The start of the fall semester is nearly nigh, and thus I am drawing closeer and closer to full blown Panic Mode. I'm certain that I will be tornadoing around the library next week, but I'm trying not to worry about that now. :0

For the time being, I prefer to panic quietly in the privacy of my office. And *finally* I had a few moments to sit and chat with you all.

This past weekend Mike, the kids and I traveled about 4 hours south into Pennsylvania for a family picnic. This is on Mike's dad's side of the family, and the people are all perfectly lovely and kind. The only problem is that I find it incredibly awkward to socialize with family that I see very rarely. Is it just me? I actually find it EONS easier to converse with total strangers than I do in the family picnic scenario. I cannot explain this phenomena, but there you have it.

It's interesting, because I think that over the course of the past 3-5 years, I have become a LOT more social than I used to be. When I was a young child, I was downright painfully shy. Talking to anybody outside of my close circle of family and friends created a tremendous amount of anxiety within me. In high school, I was voted "Shyest" female in my senior class. The guy who was voted "Shyest"? Had never spoken with him before. Because, you know, we were both SHY. ;-)

Now? Quick anecdote. This past Friday, I had dance troupe rehearsal, like usual. We're currently a group of 7, and we haven't had any new members for a few years. We've remained mostly consistent, but lost a few members about a year ago who decided not to continue. Well now, finally, there are a few dancers from the mixed level class that Claire is going to ask to move up. She was telling us a little about each of them, and regarding one woman in particular, she said:

"She's real quiet, doesn't say a lot. You know, how Tiffany used to be."

:0

This really made me feel happy. Indeed, dancing has helped me to gain confidence and come out of my shell quite a bit. I talk readily to people now, and happily join in the social revelry that is our troupe class on Friday evenings. There is nothing wrong with being shy, but in my case I know that I was that way based upon fear. Now, I don't feel afraid anymore, and enjoy my life so much more. I just occasionally feel awkward when conversing with out-of-town family. ;-)

At any rate, back to our trip. The picnic went well, and the kids had an absolute blast playing with their second cousins twice removed, or however you term such distant cousin relationships. ;-) The kids also LOVE staying in a hotel, in contrast to Mike and I, who, when accompanied by our offspring, brace ourselves for this very same eventuality. There is the inevitable bouncing on the bed. The racing around a tiny space. The constant flushing of the "new" toilet and experimenting with the water flow in the sink. The 6:30 am wake up (while on vacation, mind you), wanting to go down to the breakfast area in the lobby. I suppose there are SOME things in life that are in fact predictable. ;-)

As for me? I love my romantic hotel getaways with Mike each year for our anniversary, but this family adventure to the nearest Holiday Inn Express?

*children bouncing off walls*

*shouts over din*  "Honey, I'm going to go grab my shower, OK?"

God bless that man.

*Tiffany examines shower dial*

"Easy peasy, I like my water really warm."

*turns dial*

*presses shower button*

"What the! CENSORED!"

*turns dial a fraction of an inch in the opposite direction*

"Oh gosh!! CENSORED!"

Let's just say the shower appeared to have 2 settings:

(1) Roasting Hot Dogs With Satan, or

(2) Your Own Personal Penguin Will Be Joining You Shortly

And so it seems to go on such hotel-laden trips. ;-)

We did make it to Mass on Sunday morning, which was lovely. The church was super close to our hotel, but given that we were in Pittsburgh, this was no easy trek. I'm from Western New York, and unused to hilly terrain, OK? :0 I struggle whenever we go to Pittsburgh to get over: (a) not having any sidewalks to walk on, because I love getting my exercise that way, and (b) having the roadways be so steeply inclining or declining. How do people make it out of their driveways in the wintertime?! At any rate, the church was close to the hotel, but it was DOWN, and a large shopping center which contained the only access point to the hill on which the hotel sat (I am not making this up) stood in the way, so drive we must!

We arrived, and Henry immediately commented on the stained glass windows, which he liked. He commented on them because they are much different from what we usually see, in that they were of the abstract variety. I prefer non-abstract stained glass, but to each their own. Mike glanced around as we planted ourselves in the padded pew, and whispered:

"Is this kind of...modern?"

Why yes, yes it was. :) But it was a nice parish, and I will say that they had tremendous bathrooms, which I of course toured with Anne, who very predictably had to make use of them during the recitation of the Creed.

So there you have it, our weekend. I will be with you tomorrow for Tea Time, which I'm looking forward to. How was YOUR weekend, dear reader? What's going on with you this late August?

The art of the social interaction...

We wear matching shirts sometimes. Because we are nerds.

I am an introvert, you all know this about me, though I am now a lot more social than I used to be. And with all of the interviews I've sat in on lately, I've been thinking a lot about social skills. I'm still far from perfect in my own, but I have come a lot way from the shy teenager I used to be. I really notice more, as an adult, how other people navigate these same social waters and how at ease they are with it. With children, I can see how they are, of course, not born with this skill, and need help in refining it. Right now, it seems like both of my children have not yet honed their ability to initiate and pace conversations. This is totally normal. It is also, after a time, incredibly irritating. I really need to get this off my chest. :0

I don't know about you, but I'm often absorbed in my own head. I'm thinking about lots of different things, I'm also trying to read something, plus I'm stirring something on the stove. Some people call this scattered, but I just call it multi-tasking. ;-)

When you're lost in your own thoughts, and another introverted adult (who also happens to be my gorgeous husband) happens upon you, wanting to start a conversation with you, it generally goes something like this:

"Hey hon. Did you remember to pick up that cheese we need for tomorrow?"

It is now the generally accepted social norm that there will be a pause as you think about your answer:

"Hum? Oh, right. Yes, I did. Though they didn't have the goat cheese I wanted, so I got feta instead. I think that'll go fine in the recipe."

"OK great, thanks."

We both go back to whatever we were thinking about previously. We co-exist in the kitchen together in companionable silence. We are both happy.

The following is what happens when one of my children happens upon me lost in my own thoughts:

"MOM!"

There is no expectation of a pause of any sort. If you do not immediately respond, they will continue shouting your name at you until you do.

"WHAT?!"

I can't help it, I have a low threshold startle reflex. :0 They always catch me off guard.

"I have to ask you a question!"

I had already clued into that, but no matter. You must acknowledge, or they will not proceed. I now have to respond a second time, and let the record reflect that NO QUESTION HAS YET BEEN ASKED.

*martyr!*

"Yes, Dear, what is your question?"

"Can I (fill in the blank. Usually something they know they are not allowed to do)."

"No honey, we've already talked about this."

"BUT...*insert incessant whining here*"

There is no end to this painful social interaction. :0 It goes on and on until either (a) the child is satisfied (pretty unlikely), or (b) they are sent to their room in tears.

It is all quite exhausting. Parents, let us BAND TOGETHER IN SOLIDARITY! Which translates to a virtual community glass of wine after the children go to bed.

On this same social note, Anne and I were out for a neighborhood walk together this past Sunday afternoon. I was pulling her along in her little wagon, her multitude of saint dolls also along for the ride. Suddenly, a women who was headed out to her car calls out to us:

"Do you go to St. Paul's?"

See, I had the pausal expectation on my side, so we were all good. I had no idea who this woman was, but she clearly goes to our church. I processed this all for several blissful seconds.

"Yes!"

"I see you and your children there all the time! How lovely...(lots of highly pleasant talk of the parish and Catholic family life).

In the past, I would have been terrible at navigating such a scenario. While I was talking to the original lady, another woman came out. A mother/daughter conversation team! Talking to people that I do not know used to fill me with anxious awkwardness. Now, though I don't seek out such opportunities (who else hates ordering takeout over the phone?! Online reservation form COME TO MAMA!!) I actually enjoy putting myself out there and talking to other people. We now have a new friend at the 11 am Mass, and I couldn't be more thrilled.

How about you, dear reader? Do you relish or dread social interactions with unknown fellow humans?

Tea Time with Tiffany #23: Getting involved in new creative enterprises!

Hello all, and the end of the week is nearly upon us! It's been another busy one, but I'm hanging in there. How about you? In thinking about happy topics, I came up with a different twist for this week's edition of...

I had a Worship Committee meeting this week, so I was thinking about parish involvement, but I widened the scope to include "getting involved and putting yourself out there!" generally. :) It's a pleasant, positive topic, especially for us introverts who sometimes need that extra encouragement to try new things, and I chat about a bunch of new and interesting things on the horizon.


Items mentioned in this episode:

• Getting and staying motivated to get involved in new things. Case in point: my parish Worship Committee.
• Upcoming and fun new projects right here with your Catholic Librarian. Stayed tuned for details!

Are you involved in any new activities this fall? If you are more introverted, how do you stay motivated to remain involved, and to try new things? Write in with your thoughts and experiences. :)

Performance jitters - it's a belly dance post, part 1!

All! I'm so happy to be with you today! :0 In the midst of a super stressful season, this past weekend was a welcome, and delightful respite. I'll get to the fun dance stuff in a moment, but the weekend began with a sick day on Friday, as Anne was up coughing overnight and neither of us felt well in the morning. I called in sick and kept her home from school. I also called the pediatrician and got her an appointment, just in case her persistent sore throat was the sign of something more serious, but nope! Just the common cold. :) The peace of mind is good to have though, I'd rather know what I'm dealing with. As the day wore on, it was quite apparent that Anne was beginning to feel a lot better:

Jumping in leaf piles certainly seems to me to indicate that a child is feeling more like their usual energetic self, no? But it was a nice, and needed, day of rest for both of us. We even took a nap together. *heart*

I've also been working on some winter-themed jewelry now that the temperatures around here are more commiserate with autumn, and came up with these delightful snowflakes:

I love them, don't you? :) Yes, in fact I WAS distracting myself quite a bit on Friday, because I had THE THING on Saturday, and occupying my mind is one of my coping mechanisms for managing stress. OK, long story, and a couple of soap boxes to follow. This actually got so long as I was writing that I'm dividing it up into two posts. Today's installment contains some background information on my big night Saturday. Tomorrow I'll let you know how it went, so make sure to stick around for part 2!

OK, let's get started. You have your tea? Good. Saturday morning dawned an absolutely spectacular fall day here in WNY, and I was in full-on crisis mode, in a positive sense. I knew that I had to be at my best, and that I couldn't allow myself to panic. See, here's the thing: I'm SHY. People scoff at this sometimes when I say that, because, you know, I teach. I'm a belly dancer. How could I be shy?! I knowingly put myself into situations in which I'll be up in front of a group of people, and they'll be watching me, and shy people don't do that, right?

Shy people generally want to avoid such situations, yes. :) I'm certain you can feel the "but" that is about to come. BUT, that's not to say that shy people don't want to challenge themselves sometimes when it comes to things that they love. I love dancing, and I love helping people, and that's where the performing and teaching come into play. I think that it's important to understand deeply rooted parts of ones' personality, such as being shy. And in contrast to comments I sometimes hear, I don't see shyness as a bad thing at all. It is what it is, you know? You can't make someone NOT be shy, it's who they are. On the other hand, you can encourage them to come out of their shell sometimes, because life can surprise you and be glorious when you do. And so that's how I got caught up in this whole belly dancing thing. ;-)

And so here was the situation, which I didn't detail beforehand out of fear that it would make me even *more* nervous than I already was. Last month, my instructor, Claire, contacted me about a professional gig that she could not take due to being out of town on the weekend in question. It was for a dancer to perform at a surprise birthday party. VERY IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: I know that belly dance sometimes holds a negative association for people who think that this dance form is inherently (I'll just say it, we're all grown ups here) sexual, and thus inappropriate for most audiences. I am here to assure that it is NOT. Does the history of belly dance have some unsavory moments, and do some dancers portray it in an unflattering (even scandalous) light? Yes. But that applies to MANY other dance forms besides just Middle Eastern dance, including ballet. There are *plenty* of dancers out there who simply love the foundational dance form and aim to portray it in a beautiful and elegant way. A professional belly dancer *should* (I know there are exceptions, unfortunately, but this is the standard):

(1) interpret the art form as best she can in it's proper cultural context.

(2) present the art form in a tasteful and graceful fashion that is, without exception, family-friendly and appropriate for all audiences.

(3) wear a professionally designed, properly fitting, costume during performance. This may or may not reveal her belly, depending upon the decision of the dancer and the audience for whom she will be performing. When not performing, the dancer will wear a drapey cover up over their costume to preserve the unique drama that performance brings.

(4) act in a professional manner throughout the planning process leading up to the event, and the event itself.

(5) NEVER embarrass someone by coercing them up to dance when they clearly do not want to, or otherwise make a person ill at ease in front of their guests.

(6) ALWAYS refuse to dance at an all-male event. Belly dancers are paid entertainers for family parties and weddings.

All right, I feel better now. Do you?! :0 I just think that it's important to be candid with what I'm talking about when it comes to my love of Middle Eastern dance. I get a lot of side eyes about the whole Catholic belly dancer thing, and I feel that it is my responsibility to let people know that these things are not mutually exclusive from either a moral or modesty standpoint.

OK good, we've covered that part. :) So, the birthday party gig. Claire couldn't do it, and asked if I would. She said I was ready for this, and that she had every confidence I would do a great job. Her confidence meant the world to me, but, to put it mildly, I was very trepidatious. :) A few years ago, I split a professional gig with Claire at a restaurant, and found the experience rather draining emotionally. Besides troupe gigs for which we sometimes get paid (charitable events and festivals excluded), that was my only other professional experience. And to boot, I would be the only dancer there. These are totally solo gigs.

All of this added up to the experience feeling rather intimidating to me.  But I thought it over, and realized that if I didn't take it, I would be disappointed with myself. I don't want Shy Tiffany to always win, you know? Although hiding out over at Shy Tiffany's place is certainly more comfortable, it's a lot less exciting. ;-) Claire assured me that the woman who had called her to book the gig was extremely nice and that the gig would be super easy for me. 12-15 minutes of dancing: swirl in with your veil, see if they want you to balance a prop, dance to a fun, upbeat pop song and a drum piece, and that's it, you're done. The fact that it was a surprise party made me a little nervous, because it seems to me that the potential for it to be awkward is a bit higher :0 and introverts avoid awkward social situations like flesh-eating bacteria. But all in all, everything seemed positive about this gig, and when I took a step back, I realized that I've been studying Middle Eastern dance for nearly 8 years. I could handle this, if I just gave myself a chance. Meaning, if I could manage to stifle Shy Tiffany and lock her away for a little while.

I spoke with the woman booking the gig, who was, as promised, extremely kind and pleasant to work with. With their family and friends, she was planning a surprise birthday party for her husband. She could not have been easier to deal with, just asking me to come and dance at the party and to balance my sword, because that sounded really cool to her. We got all of the details worked out, with a contract and all of that good stuff, and then I had to wait and prepare. With a knot in my stomach. For the past 5 weeks. :0

And prepare I certainly did. I carefully curated a playlist of fun music that incorporated different tempos and rhythms, and with which I was very familiar, to make for easier improvising. I planned a veil entrance, an upbeat but traditional Middle Eastern piece, an even balady for the sword, and then a drum solo.

I practiced A LOT. I ran though the music, improvising my little heart out. I worked with Sword quite a bit, and developed a new way of getting him balanced on my head that was working much better. Sword has been on probation since our little incident at the art festival this summer. :0 I really didn't want to bring him, but it was a special request, so I couldn't exactly refuse.

Practice went great, and the big day quickly approached. Let's circle back to Saturday morning. I was feeling ready, but NERVOUS. I projected calm into my brain as best I could and faced the day. How did it work out? Come back tomorrow for part 2 and all the fun details! 

Of soggy dance performances & brisk apple fetching, a fall weekend with the Catholic Librarian family...

Hi all *beams* and hope that you are surviving this fall Monday along with me. Today is the craziest day of the week for me, so I'm doing what I can to perk things up. For instance, da da DA!

Isn't it adorable? It's my new Scentsy fragrance warmer for my office. I have a cube of Coconut Pumpkin Pie wax melting in there and my office smells like a bakery. HOW did I not know about such possibilities before?! I love it. In terms of fragrances, my favorites are "foody" smells. It if smells good enough to tempt one to actually consume wax or soap, then that's the one I want. I noted with amusement that Scentsy advertises their wax as "food grade, and thus safe for pets and children." Something tells me these little cubes get nibbled on from time to time.

So, I'm happily sniffing the air in my office and preparing for class right now. Monday is my teaching day. So far so good, but I'm always relieved when that's past for another week. When I teach, I have to be "ON!" kwim? Just like when I perform dance. Or hang out with people that I genuinely like at conferences. ;-) Social interaction can be taxing for introverts. I absolutely love it when in a fun situation, but it uses up my power supply faster, that's for sure.

OK, so the weekend. On Saturday my troupe was scheduled to dance at an outdoor artisan's market. There were projections for rain, but I thought that the timing was going to work out, and that we would dodge it. We had rehearsed the group numbers, and I had a loose plan for my solo music both with or without veil, depending upon wind velocity. Saturday morning found me with makeup on and perky, ready to don my Saidi dress and head out the door, when...

...we received notification that the market had been cancelled due to storm conditions down by the water.

Booooooooooooo!

Major bummer. I was really looking forward to it. I love performing with my troupe. I do get very nervous still about dancing solo (working on that, but it's a glacial process :)) but with my troupe? Safety in numbers. And we always have so much fun together. So that was a drag.

When Anne went down for a nap, I put on a new performance playlist I've been working on (and it still needs work, I discovered...) and swirled around the kitchen for a bit, bringing out both Veil and Sword. They were both thrilled to be included. That was a fun workout for the day.

Oh, I should mention that although we put Anne down for a nap, she didn't actually SLEEP. Thus, when we later went to the vigil Mass, she was in such a foul mood that she refused to sit in the pew. Instead, she chose to stand, unmoving, and stare at us menacingly, looking like something out of Village of the Damned.

Mike, in whispered tones: "Is she always like this during Mass?"

Me: "No, it's usually the opposite problem."

*long suffering sigh*

On Sunday, we made our annual apple picking pilgrimage. We've found a really cute farm about 30 minutes away that we love. There is a hay maze and animals for the kids to pet:

Anne: "Mommy, look at this little turkey, she is my friend!"

Henry: "Um, I read the sign about Thanksgiving. I think the turkeys..."

Me: "...are very, very hungry, look at how they're going to town on delicious-looking pile of fruit and vegetables! Anne, did you see the goats?!"

Also lots of pumpkins for sale, of course, and tons of apple trees. In season this past weekend were Macintosh, Gala, Macoun and Cortland. We picked quite a lot of them, and have cobbler and pie plans for later in the week.

And so a good time was had by all. Unfortunately, the wine tasting guy wasn't there, which would have enhanced the fun had by Tiffany and Mike ;-) but everything went very well. We got some photos:

This pretty much sums up the story of Henry's life, right here...

...and headed contentedly home with our apples. :)

How was YOUR weekend, dear reader? Don't forget, the St. Therese novena starts tomorrow!

CNMC 2015 - Affirmation & Friendship. And apparently tears...

Wow. I don't even know where to begin. Well, I'm BACK, there's that, and I had a fantastic time. It was, gosh. It was wonderful. I met so many kind people, and I received so much inspiration from my time there. But I have no idea how to fully encapsulate the depth of my experience. I think what I'm going to do is this: I'm going to chronicle my time in Atlanta chronologically to the best of my ability. At the end, I'm including a short video that I recorded this morning. I'm going to warn you - I cry during it. A LOT. :0 It's a pretty vulnerable piece. But I'm putting it out there because it's genuine emotion and I don't see sharing that with you as a bad thing at all. So here we go!

I arrived in Atlanta on Saturday all hyped up on coffee and adrenaline. I didn't even need any alcohol on my flight, which is a pretty surprising thing right there, given my feelings about flying. ;-) I met up with my lovely roommate Sarah, and we dropped our stuff at the hotel before making a beeline for the Georgia International Convention Center, and the SQPN booth set up in the Exhibit Hall as part of the Eucharistic Congress taking place there this weekend as well:

We immediately began our socialization efforts, and I spent the weekend forcing people to take ridiculous selfies with me, like this one:

That would be Fr. Cory Sticha (@FrCorySticha), Fr. Darryl Millette (@frdarryl), and Sarah (@mssarahkp).

There are a bunch more of my photos on my Twitter timeline if you want to take a peek, and a special Tagboard for the conference with all of the mentions compiled in one spot using the hashtag #CNMC15. Sweet, right? 

From that point on, I took stock of my personality: reserved, quiet, can be kind of a dud. What I wanted from this weekend was: fun! frivolity! fantastic! So I made the decision to really push myself to be as social as possible. I wanted to meet people, and I wanted to enjoy their company. This means that I would have to TALK to them. That doesn't necessarily come naturally to me, so my social switch had to be set to: "MEGAWATT!" Annndddddd...I think it worked. :)

I met a LOT of people. Wonderful, funny, kind people. Saturday before dinner I hung out in the hotel bar and introduced myself to people. I forced them to take yet more choppy photos with me:

Dee Fox from "Catholic Vitamins!" And Stephanie Zimmer (@angelsteph), and Marika (@oneeyedsmiley)

Over drinks, yay! with Allison Gingras (@reconciledtoyou)

We then went to dinner Saturday night to commemorate the 10th Jubilee anniversary of SQPN. I forced my camera on people again:

...and it was rather an emotional night. That is a theme, right there. ;-) During his short speech at dinner, Greg Willits (one of the founders of SQPN) made me tear up. The problem with my sensitive personality is that I very much absorb the emotional reactions of others and feel them keenly. Then I desperately want to soothe them and make them feel better. So when I see someone else cry, I get all:

*gulp!* "You are crying?! NOW I AM CRYING! We are crying together!! Is this making you feel any better, I can't imagine that it would?! How do we stop now??"

So that happened. Twice. But it was a lovely night and I talked to a TON of great people. I was so tired by the end of the night (early flight + Megawatt Social Tiffany = exhaustion) I could hardly keep my eyes open. And then I didn't even sleep all that well, because I am freakish and never sleep well when I'm away from home. And hello, MASS AT 8 AM! How nice to see you. ;-) So I was tired the next day too.

However, it was so worth it. Mass, conference sessions, more socializing and networking. I taught Stephanie how to knit socks during lunch, because isn't that what everyone aspires to do, knit during conferences? If you don't, then you don't know what you're missing. ;-)

I learned some things about recording audio, and about writing, and about team building. Greg Willits made me cry again, and so did Lisa Hendey, and Fr. Roderick's video keynote speech.

Two of the guilty tear-inducing parties featured in this hilarious photo

I learned a lot. But more importantly, I learned FROM the people that I met. The people who absolutely touched my heart and made me feel welcome and included.

Sunday evening I went to dinner with a bunch of my new friends. And then had drinks in the hotel bar with some others, one of whom is an absolute dear friend, Capt. Jeff:

...and he is also one of my *very* favorite SQPNer's, but SHHHH! Don't tell him. ;-)

By the end of the night, I was absolutely exhausted, but at the same time couldn't have been more content. Good things are coming from this, I just know it. And the friendships that were cultivated just make me smile every time I think back on our time together.

Whenever I come back from an event like this, I feel blue. I was so glad to get home to my family, but I miss the fellowship with my friends, and I don't know when I'll see them in person again. But I hold on to the warm feelings, and the prayers, and all of the support that I'll continue to get from them online, deep in my heart.

And so, this morning, I recorded this video. To say thank you. If you were there with me at the CNMC, I'm speaking directly to you. If you weren't, but read this blog, I'm speaking to you too. We are all a community in the Body of Christ, and you all matter to me. So much. I'm going to warn you that I cry in this video. Quite a bit. :0 So if emotional things like that bother you, skip this one. But I hope you'll watch it. Because we're all in this journey of life together, good times and bad, joy and sorrow. There's no sorrow coming out of this weekend, only joy, but sometimes joy causes tears too.


So. What did you think? Got any new ideas regarding ministry and evangelization, collaboration and creativity? I hope you'll write to me. *hug*

Mother and son bowling, and electric candles?! on the 4th Sunday of Easter...

Happy Monday everyone! I'm feeling a bit sleepy, but otherwise quite well. It's rather overcast here today in Western New York, but there's a definitely spring feeling in the air. We'll take it!

As we continue to celebrate Easter, yesterday was no exception to my feelings of happy joy. :) The kids and I made our usual pilgrimage to the 10 am Mass at our parish, and though the Easter flowers dwindle, the spirit pervades! I was amused to note a short message from our pastor in the bulletin. He's doing his best to not step on any toes given how new he is, that dear Fr. Joe, but decisions need to be made, and money is in short supply, so sometimes tough calls have to be issued. Exhibit A: candles.

:0

Change does not come easily in our parish, and people are attached to their devotional candles. You know, the ones you light on a stand near the front or back of the sanctuary, for a special intention, and then you drop a couple of bucks in the donation slot? They are very popular in our parish, and a year ago or so, the price noted for each size of candle increased a bit. Our former pastor put a note in the bulletin saying that the cost associated with the candles is purely their supply cost, the parish does not make any money from them, but the cost had gone up, so obviously those choosing to purchase a candle needed to know this and start making up the difference. That went fine and without much fanfare, it's simple inflation.

Well, apparently the candle costs have gone up *again* and Fr. Joe has decided to make an alternative suggestion. He doesn't want to charge more for the candles, but yet the parish doesn't have the money to make up the difference. He is proposing that we move to, wait for it...electric candles. "They flicker and look very similar to traditional candles!" Precious Fr. Joe. I have no problem with this, but I can just see the Ladies Sodality mobilizing en masse to protect the integrity of traditional candles. We'll have to see how this turns out. ;-)

After Mass, Henry and I were slated to attend a mother/son bowling event sponsored by the parent association at his school. Henry was very excited about this, and I was very excited to spend some solo time with Henry, but if I'm being honest, I wasn't exactly looking forward to the actual bowling in public thing. I haven't bowled since, let's see...the 80's.

*audible gasp from the gallery*

Being a decent bowler at age 13, but then not bowling since then, doesn't really lend itself to a retained skill set, I am here to tell you. But I didn't want to dampen Henry's enthusiasm, so I did my best. As long as I don't humiliate myself in public I'm good.

That sounds like an ominous way to end off that paragraph, but everything went fine. :) Before we got started, I pulled out my camera and attempted to take a selfie of the two of us:

Yeah, that didn't go so well. :0 Henry was a bit scandalized by the thought of taking a real, live photograph IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

"I am humoring my mother, that is all that I am doing."

Henry, the dear, dear, child, has been saddled with my personality. This means that he is shy, introverted and somewhat socially awkward. Don't you wish you had these genes, dear reader?! He is such a sweet boy, but he would never say a word if he didn't have to. While we were waiting for our lane-mates to arrive, we sat side-by-side, totally silent, and happy as clams. Introverts don't need to physically communicate with each other to be soothed by the others' presence, you see. It's part of our behavioral ritual. Our complex and rich non-social infrastructure could be studied for publication in a peer reviewed journal.

;-)

When the others arrived, we did our best to greet them and got started. Henry beat me in both games. :0 Yikes, those bowling skills really don't carry over across decades, do they? I needed to use the special lighter ball because I apparently lack any sort of lower arm throwing strength needed for bowling. But I didn't fall or accidentally throw myself halfway down the lane, or anything like that, so life is grand. I'm not going to reveal my score here, for the sake of protecting at least an ounce of my dignity, but I did manage to pick up two spares, and let it be known that I did NOT have the lowest score on our lane. The fact that the lowest scorer appeared to be about 5 years old did nothing to diminish my joy of victory over this fact.

We had pizza and soda and tons of cookies and a great time was had by all. How was your weekend, dear reader?

"Tiffany, why don't you just GO!" Adventures in introvertism...

Yes, I talk to myself. Usually just in my own head, although if I'm in the car alone, I'll sometimes vocalize. ;-) And is "introvertism" even a word? According to my spell check it isn't, but that's another part of the talking-to-self thing: I don't care. I can make up as MANY words as I want, and nobody can correct me!

*goes hog wild*

But at any rate, one of the things I berate myself over is that I don't get out more. There are things that I genuinely WANT to do, want to attend, but yet...I don't. I think this is part of the Introvert Mystique: We're homebodies, we like to stay in. And when we do get out, even to things we genuinely enjoy, we cannot wait to get back home to our Safe and Comfortable Place. Which is our couch, of course. With a book and a glimmering glass of your beverage of choice. Chatting with your friends on social media is also a strong possibility, which is totally fine with your introverted sensibilities since a device stands between you and them and you can control the asynchronous flow of the conversation.

#ironic

OK, so ANYWAY. One of the things that I want to do more often, and I emphasize this to myself annually whenever my brain and I have this particular conversation, is to attend the ballet. I take the kids to see The Nutcracker each year, which is fabulous, but there are SO many other good productions that come through town that I rarely attend. We have a beautiful historic theater downtown, where my mom and I saw Phantom of the Opera last month, but there is also a Center for the Arts at the university for which I work. Each semester, I look at their schedule of performances and think how I'd like to attend 1-2 of them, and then I never buy tickets. And the tickets are SO reasonable! We're talking $30 or less for the best seats in the house.

This year, I finally seized the moment. I asked both my mom and my mother-in-law if they'd like to go see The Sleeping Beauty, which is one of the three great Tchaikovsky ballets that I've never seen and have always wanted to. My mom is in Albany at a work conference and couldn't go, but my mother-in-law could, and so off I went on a gorgeous spring day to fetch our tickets, and last night was the performance.

BEAUTIFUL. It was the Russian National Ballet Theatre, and they did an outstanding job. Some of the principal dancers were exquisite, particularly the man dancing the role of the Bluebird. And the ballerina dancing the role of Aurora: oh my. To dance like that! Stunning.

We went out to dinner first at a Middle Eastern restaurant and then on to the ballet. By Act II I was a bit tired, as it was a Wednesday night (but the only night that this ballet was in town), yet it was SO worth it. I had a fantastic time! And I loved seeing the ballet and reading up more on it in the program.

And so I talked to myself again in my head on the way home. ;-) I absolutely am going to do this again next season when the new schedule comes out. If I notice a ballet that I'd like to see, I'm going to buy tickets. Boom! I need to do more of that, every single year.

Speaking of dancing, I'm slated to do my own (not nearly so exquisite) version tonight at this cultural shindig with my troupe. Here's lifting a glass to not humiliating myself! I'll report in tomorrow. :)