I always keep it real on this blog, and I like to think that the results are at least somewhat entertaining. Life is hard sometimes, and if you can't laugh about it, it really isn't a wonderful life.
So, you know, you have a baby. Afterwards, regardless of your method of delivery, there are certain things that the very thought of resuming scare the living daylights out of you. Like, oh I don't know, going to the bathroom. I think we all know exactly what I'm referring to here. And then there's...what we'll delicately call 'renewing your marriage covenant.' (hereafter RYMC).
I know that all women that have had a baby are with me on this one. This is SCARY. Anne is my second child, so I've learned a few things through the years. For instance, certain things can make the resumation of RYMC a tad less frightful. Wine is one of them. The other is a personal care, um, toiletry? available at your local drug store designed to ease your discomfort.
At any rate, you have your ducks in a row, and the time is upon you. Let's see, what are some of the events that will transpire during this interaction that don't normally present a problem?
(a) you will nurse the baby into a happy coma in silent prayer that she will not wake up for the next little while.
(b) you will move the bassinette across the room with the careful precision of a surgeon so as not to jostle her awake.
(c) you will become extremely paranoid and glance over your spouses's shoulder toward the bassinette as inconspicuously as possible a shameful number of times.
(d) inevitably, you will have to breasfeed the baby back to sleep at an *extremely* inopportune time.
Here's hoping that she will never read this and thus be scarred for life.