Over the weekend, I experienced more This Back To School Thing Is Really Happening sentiment. I took Anne shopping for school clothes, just her and I:
"I like girl time, Mommy. I do NOT like *boy* time."
Something tells me that will change, but for the time being, there you have it. We arrive at JC Penney, and Anne makes a beeline into the girls section. She comes out carrying a jean jacket. And jeans. REAL jeans, with sparkly pockets.
"Mommy. I love these. Can I get them?"
When, oh when, did my little baby get so big?!
Now I may cry again. This was not a good idea. :0
We also procured many tops, both long-sleeved and short, some comfortable cotton pants, a back pack, lunchbox and new matching water bottle. And declared her ready for Kindergarten.
She went to Pre-K last year, so its not like this is her first time going to school. But this year she'll be going a full day. And she'll be at the same school as Henry. It just feels very official.
A new chapter of my life has begun. And now I really am crying.
It's the Anne/baby thing. But it's also work. I had an incredibly long day today, so I'm feeling a wee bit vulnerable.
Nothing truly bad happened today. It's just that I've felt all summer like I was always super distracted, much more busy than anticipated, and hanging on by a mere brain cell. As the summer progressed, it got worse. A LOT worse.
And in the last week I have felt nearly suffocated by anxiety. With the fall semester officially beginning next Monday, the pace of our lesson planning and last-minute logistical nightmares has grown frenetic. Today was BAD. The lower half of my body actually ached from sitting so much (which I HATE) due to hours of training on new citation management and ePortfolio software, and then panicky time-sensitive things that HAD to get done before our appearance at the new instructor orientation later in the afternoon. I could barely eat, frantically shuffling food across my desk as I worked, my stomach in such turmoil over worrying about everything. By the end of the work day, I felt like a wrung out dishrag, both physically and emotionally.
The way that we're going to be teaching in the fall is totally new; new for us, new for the university, since the curriculum is dramatically changing as of this semester. So everyone is scrambling, no one knows exactly how this is all going to work, and there is a lot of anxious tension in the air. I'm going to be responsible for providing a 1 credit hour Library Lab for 15 sections of English Composition. That's a lot more teaching than I've ever done before. There may be other instruction requests that come up as the semester progresses too, and we'll have to squeeze those in where we can. I'll also be meeting with students, grading over 300 assignments, and somehow writing a book. Taking a day off until Thanksgiving week is pretty much not a possibility. Needless to say, I haven't been sleeping well. And on Monday and Wednesday mornings, my first class is at 8 am.
I don't mean this as a litany of "Look how crappy my life is!!" Because it isn't. I know it isn't. I have a fantastic life. I have a beautiful, loving family, fantastic friends that I love as if they were family, and I work with people that I genuinely like and care about. I'll be busy, but my situation is a good one. But anxiety? She is there, my friends. This has always been a personal demon of mine, and I'm just trying to deal with it as best I can.
When I got home, Mike had dinner ready and on the table, and a wine glass chilling in the freezer. Is it any wonder that I married him?! Afterward, Anne burst into tears about something she saw on TV, and I spent the early part of the evening comforting her and cuddling. But truth be told, I really needed that too.
I'm doing what I can to try and keep my spirits up. In the meantime, I've been knitting. And JUST under the wire on Sunday afternoon, I finished my Olympic/Ravellenic Games project!
I knit Elizabeth Zimmerman's famous Baby Surprise Jacket for Sam's niece. I mentioned in a recent Tea Time that you knit it flat, in a blob-like configuration, but when you are done, it miraculously seams into a perfect baby cardigan. Here is the before photo, with sweater fully knit, but still on the needles and waiting to be bound off:
|It seems to be begging for help and TLC.
And here it is bound off, with 2 small seams:
|This is a very happy baby sweater!
So that's a brightener, to be sure. I'm about to embark on fall socks and scarves.
How are you doing, dear reader? Come commiserate and join the group hug. :)