"Hank, do you have to go to the bathroom?"
"NO!!" *glare of indignation* "I went on Wednesday."
"Honey, it doesn't matter when you last went, we talked about this. Whenever you feel the urge, you have to go sit on the toilet. Your body tells you when you have to go, not the other way around."
"I definitely don't have to go."
"Are you sure, Hank? It kind of stinks in here. "
I start to have a sinking feeling. The smell that I smell isn't fresh poo (oh, aren't you so glad I'm telling you all this?). It's that distinctive smell of *old poo*
Do you know how old poo happens? I'm certain some of you parents do. It's when a stubborn child refuses to poo and thus holds the poo back, and yet some of it we'll just say "gets stuck." Thus, the stuck poo dries in aforementioned child's underpants, and often insidiously turns into what we'll call "poo crumbs."
Said poo crumbs can fall out of child's underpants and onto other household surfaces. This is what we'll call a nightmare.
"Honey! I think I smell some poo in the living room. I have the baby. Can you come quick?!"
A poo emergency. Mike hurries in.
"There's a brown spot on the Boppy pillow and Hank was laying on it. Maybe that's it?"
"Maybe. Let's throw it in the wash."
10 minutes later...
"Honey, um, unfortunately I still smell poo."
"Ok, you go change the baby, I'll investigate down here."
*Catholic Librarian heads upstairs*
Heard from downstairs...
*sound of couch cushions rustling*
*distinctive sound of vacuum cleaner starting up*