Thursday, May 26, 2011

The things that go on in the night...

Did I say yesterday that Anne gets up about 3 times per night? That would be 4 or 5 times. :) The sleeplessness is making me lose basic math skills. But I'm hanging in there. And at least this time, I know how quickly this stage passes. I keep telling myself that it's not that much worse than the sleepless nights of late pregnancy. All told, I'm probably up a comparable amount.

Because Anne prefers her bassinette to our bed, I sleep much more deeply between her wakings. This is mostly good, but I am much more disoriented when she wakes me. The other night, I heard a baby crying in my dream. Oh right, that's not a dream, that would be my current life. :) But wait! How can the baby be crying from next to the bed when I have her in my arms? Oh. That's not Anne. That's Muffin, the stuffed dog I sleep with to tuck under my arm. He sleeps through the night just fine.

While in the hospital, and up much, much more than I am now, I saw all kinds of interesting infomercials that play throughout all hours of the night. My favorite was for "Pajama Jeans" (pronounced "pa-jah-ma jeans") the comfortable slip on pants that look just like real designer jeans! All yours for just $39.95. There is also a revolutionary new cat litter insert on the market, designed specifically to scoop up the poo for you when you pull on this mesh that hangs over the edge. Or, those pant cuff clips so that you can wear your pants with either flats or heels? You can double your order for free if you call now.

Lately, the night feedings are a bit of a haze, but I think I'm going to invest in a book light so that I can read while I feed her. I will say that she falls back to sleep beautifully when I nurse her in the night and transfers to her bassinette like a dream. You would have thought we'd detonated a bomb in the bedroom when we tried to put Henry in his bassinette 5 and a half years ago. So, we're just doing the best we can with it.

Anne was at the pediatrician this morning, and she's not only surpassed her birth weight, she weighs a whole pound more than when she left the hospital. So, she's thriving. :)

As for me, I'm definitely still in that bluesy place of mourning my pre-postpartum life, but I'm doing so, so much better than after Henry's birth. I understand this time that having the baby blues does not mean that there is anything abnormal or wrong with me, or that I am a "bad mother." It's a physiological reaction that has nothing to do with me personally. It's the postpartum hormone changes wrecking havoc with my emotional state. And it's temporary. And I can mitigate it, which I've been taking steps to do this time. These first couple of weeks are the toughest part, and already I'm over 1 week in. I hope to start dancing again (at home) next week, and return to class within 4-5 weeks. I've been out walking and getting fresh air, which has been doing me a world of good.

Somehow, it's going to be ok. And I won't be able to remember my life without Anne in it. We'll get there. Every day, I feel a tad bit better.

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