Wednesday, November 3, 2010

"Wow, yeah, your face really *does* get fuller during pregnancy!"

So, this is the pregnancy body image post. :) Pretty aptly timed, since my own body is just starting to change.

When I'm pregnant (and maybe this is the case for you and others as well) it's this odd conundrum. You're anxious for the first trimester to pass by since, well, it's not all that pleasant, physically speaking. Plus, you're all anxious about first trimester miscarriage, and it's a relief to safely get to the second trimester. And plus, once the first trimester is nearly over, you can tell people that you're expecting with great abandon, and you kind of look forward to actually *looking* pregnant. Cute little bump, check. Adorable new maternity clothes, check. And then. You realize that 4-5 months have gone by, and you can barely remember your old body. You keep getting bigger and bigger, and people keep feeling freer and freer to analyze your body shape and publicly comment on it.

"Wow. Are you sure you aren't having twins?

"You seem to be carrying a lot in the back." (this was was actually said to my face, and I'm pretty sure it means that my ass had gotten bigger).

"Huh. You're carrying kind of small in the front. Is the doctor sure that the baby is ok?" (also said to my face, and it freaked me out).

"Oh wow, women retain so much water during pregnancy, huh? That must be uncomfortable." Now that you mention it...

I know that these are harmless comments, and people are fascinated by pregnant women, and that's why you're lavished with this adoring attention. :) But for me, I find it hard to listen to. I'm a self-conscious person, and I'm an insecure person in many ways. It hurts my feelings to have people comment on how large different areas of my body are getting, even if I am pregnant.

This time, I have to admit, I'm in a bit of a state of denial about actually getting bigger. I'm over 11 weeks, and my regular clothes are still loose on me, since I lost a little weight right before I conceived. Maternity clothes: wherefore art thou? In the basement. And I pray that I don't have to bring them up until after Christmas. If I can minimize the number of months that I have to wear them, will I feel less orca-like this pregnancy? Doubtful, in fact, that's pretty much completely delusional. But a girl can try.

And don't worry. I eat plenty. I've never been a woman that has eschewed food, because I love food. But I admit, pregnancy is hard for me psychologically. I couldn't be more thrilled to be pregnant, and to be carrying this precious baby. I'm so grateful. But I'm just doing my best to still love my body through May. I know that my old body will come back afterwards, but in the mean time, it's still hard.

Am I a freak, or is anybody else with me? :)

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