Adventures in my yarn stash, and what's new with Anne?

So, Anne. She's weaned. It's definite this time. When I think about it I start to cry, so I try to focus on the positives. She wasn't interested in nursing anymore, and nursing should be a mutual desire between you and the child. She was ready to let go. Just because I wasn't doesn't mean that I should press her on it. So I let it go. But it hurts.

She's very independent these days, and this is translating into some serious sauciness. All of a sudden, if you pick her up and she wants to stay put, she throws her head back, kicks her legs, and squawks. Hand her something she doesn't want? She *slaps* it away. Poor Sophie the giraffe received such treatment this morning. She's still my precious sweet pea, but definitely a sassy one these days.

Yesterday, I brought her into our all purpose guest room/office with me while Mike and Henry attended his swimming lesson at the local YMCA. She's usually not allowed in there during the day, because this is where we keep things that we don't want her to touch. The room is nice because it's on the first floor, so it's very convenient, we can close the door to keep the baby out, and it just provides us with nice extra space. I keep my yarn and knitting needles in the closet in this room. The closet is also home to several belly dance costumes, a sword, an iron, a yarn swift and winder, and our vacuum cleaner. Like I said, multi-purpose.

I'd been dying to get my hot little hands on my yarn bins for some time. I've been itching to sort through things and see what I had in there so I could start planning for holiday gifts. I know what I have set aside for large items like sweaters and shawls, but I also have lots of leftover partial skeins and such that I knew I could put to use for other projects. In particular, I am in need of several colors of cotton, and I felt certain I may have some of them buried within the bins. I wanted to get all the partial skeins together into bags sorted by fiber. This = Type A, I know.

So, I let Anne in there, and immediately she began a bonanza of pulling DVD's down off of the shelves in there, but oh well. I got the bins out and began to sort. Wool, alpaca, silk and blends of this ilk in one bin, cotton and acrylic and blends with these in another. All the little partial skeins were placed into large Ziploc bags together, cotton in one, wool in another.

We'll just say that the wool bin is, ah hem, full. The cotton and acrylic bin actually had a luxurious amount of space in it. I was able to get rid of some things that just weren't doing it for me anymore, and I felt very proud. I discovered several cotton skeins that I can put to use right away with my holiday project ideas.

Pleased with my results, I hid PLACED the bins back into the closet. I'm all excited now about my holiday knitting. It's all very secretive, so I can't reveal anything about it for quite some time. And I know you're all just *dying* to see it, but alas.

It'll only get better when I can actually knit without sweating, but we're getting there. Still no rain.

*huffy sigh*

Feast of St. Henry, and Anne is nursing again...

...and yes, I'm happy about it. :) She's only nursing 1-2 times per day, but I'm happy to continue on for the time being. I feel much less like I may burst into tears at any time today. Success.

Today is the feast of St. Henry, and this year I wanted to start celebrating the kids' patron saint feast days as something special. We planned to make a special dessert with Hank today. Unfortunately, I forgot to buy the ingredients at the store, and also forgot until I got to work that St. Henry day is in fact today.

*Mother of the Year*

Sigh. But I'll make a big deal about it tonight, and we can make the dessert this weekend. St. Anne's feast is the 26th of July (I believe) so we can make a cake then. Not that Anne will notice, but Hank will.

Does anybody else celebrate saint feasts? What sorts of things do you do?

Anne is weaning

*sniff*

*sniff*

She hasn't nursed since yesterday morning, and I feel like I may cry. She'll be 14 months old next week so I know that it's perfectly fine for her to wean now. I would keep nursing her, this is her choice to not nurse anymore. I've met her needs and it's been a wonderful bonding experience for us.

So why do I feel so miserable?

Tiffany. Remember the engorgement, the super full and uncomfortable feeling that resulted from not nursing for even a few hours? It's nice to not have to worry about that anymore, right? Anne is so much more independent now. I have so much more freedom now. This is good, right?

*sniff*

Dress rehearsal: successful. Well, mostly

I did practice last night in my costumes, and I think the most important thing I discovered was that my top isn't fitting quite so nicely anymore. Why? Well, because I didn't even buy my blue costume until after I had Anne, and last time I wore it, I was in heavy nursing mode. Now, Anne nurses only a few times per day, and let's just say that the frontal *presentation* isn't quite so perky anymore. Oh, who am I kidding? It isn't perky AT ALL anymore. Kind of depressing, actually. Well, I do remember that after Henry weaned, there was a bit of re-perking after a few months or so. Or did I just dream that? I don't know. But that's my delusion, and I'm stickin' to it.

But at any rate, none of this helps me for my hafla on Saturday. I tightened the neck straps for extra UMPH! and am hoping for the best. My improvisation is fine, but I'm feeling anxious about it. Are they bored?! That's the thought that will be racing, RACING through my mind at approximately 8:24 Saturday evening. Oh sigh. I hope it goes ok.

Misery

Bet you just can't wait to read this post. :)

Well, I'm still sick. Anne is still sick and also cutting a tooth. Henry has been "testing" us a lot lately in terms of his behavior, I left my pump at home for the first time since last August, and my car needs $250 worth of repairs. It wasn't the best of mornings.

Man, and my lips are *killing* me. Who knows what I'm talking about?! When you're sick and it feels like all of the moisture is sucked out of your very face? That's how I feel right now. I'm also quite whiny and pathetic.

I'm very emotional about the pumping thing. We had a good run, but it's time. Anne's birthday is Friday, she has plenty of milk in the refrigerator for today, and we have several bags of milk in the freezer. I know that we've saved likely thousands of dollars in infant formula due to my dedication and this small $250 pump over the course of two children. It's time. Then why do I feel like crying?

What I really need to do is go back to bed. Anne was up at 5:30 this morning. Could have been worse. But then she wouldn't let us put her down and she sobbed for the entire time I was trying to get dressed and my rat's nest of a head of hair combed and straightened. I feel all woozy. Maybe I should put myself out of my misery and leave early...

But then I'd miss knitting, and I don't want to miss knitting. Because I'm crazy. But also because I love knitting and my knitting friends. I need them, especially today.

Here's hoping for a better night tonight, and a return to full consciousness tomorrow...

Adventures in night weaning and belly dancing by moonlight

So, I made the decision over the weekend to night wean Anne. I knew the following:

(a) She is ready; she has slept (a few times) 8-9 hours without nursing.

(b) She barely nurses in the night without being distracted and/or falling back to sleep.

(c) She is miserably cranky in the evenings even when she takes good naps, and she needs more sleep at night.

(d) She is transitioning to more solids during the day and is showing less and less interest in her bottles when I'm at work; my milk supply has changed accordingly.

However,

(e) If I do not nurse her in the night, she will MAKE.US.PAY.

Hence, the reason I've been putting it off. However, we had yet another atrocious night on Friday, and I knew it had to be done. She's nearly a year old, she has 6 teeth, and it's not good for her to be drinking milk in the middle of the night when clearly I'm not going to brush her teeth afterward. She's old enough to go through the entire night without nursing. So in we plunged.

It goes without saying that the first night was ugly.

She has a lovie in her crib, and I went in to soothe her many times without nursing her. Each time I went in and left without nursing her, she got MADDER. She threw her lovie on the floor. She STOOD UP and voiced her displeasure for an absolute eternity.

But finally, she went to sleep. And after that, she slept until the morning. That next day, I was utterly exhausted for being up for so long, but I knew it was worth it.

Night 2 was less bad. She was exhausted too, and slept until 4 am. She stayed awake for an hour, with a soothe session in the middle. She didn't cry the whole time, she talked a lot, and generally made a little noise. She went back to sleep on her own.

Last night was night 3. She got up around 1 am, and stayed awake for about an hour and 15 minutes. We had a nice cuddle session in there. Her mood when she discovered that I was only going to rock and cuddle her and not nurse her = PISSED, but she got over it. Shortly after I put her back in her crib, she went to sleep.

Each morning, she has woken up happy and nursed heartily without distraction or hurting me because she's not really that into it. So, we'll see how tonight goes. Night 4 of Anne Sleep Battle...

But it's time. I don't push eliminating night wakings for a really long time. But her birthday is in less than a month. That time is now. I'll continue to nurse her during the day whenever she wants.

So, after Anne (and Henry) go to sleep, I've been dancing. We have a hafla coming up, as well as some other potential performances, and my motivation level is high to improve my dancing and my confidence level. Therefore, my hafla solo is going to explore previously uncharted territory: improvisation.

I may have mentioned in the past that I'm terrified of improvisation. This means that one does not have a structured and completely planned choreography. You select music, perhaps choreograph an entrance and exit and some musical highlight points, but otherwise, you just dance whatever you feel fits the music right in the moment. My stomach feels funny just thinking about it.

But improvisation is key to professional belly dancing. You can't plan and remember multiple choreographies, and it will make your dancing stale after a bit. I've been forcing myself to practice improv a bit by putting on random music and just dancing around the kitchen in the evenings (lucky Mike) and I have to admit, there's something very relaxing about it. You don't have to worry about forgetting your meticulously choreographed routine (my preciousssss....). When you're doing a solo, no one will know if you "mess up" and go off your choreography, but somehow, your face will show it. At least mine will. But with improvisation, that worry goes away. If you're good at staying on the music, you can just do whatever you want and it will *look* like a planned choreography, all without the pressure. Win-win.

But it's still scary. In the moment, all I can seem to remember are about 4 movements, and then I start worrying that I'm repeating myself and the audience is bored. I have a real fear of boredom. I *have* gotten a bit better, and have been working on some combinations that I can stick in, and I've actually been remembering more than just 4 movements, but still. I'll feel all successful and sassy and turn to face my audience (the microwave)!:

"Oh no. They're bored, aren't they?"

I can't help it, this is a huge fear of mine. But I'm working on it. We'll get there. And with more sleep, my brain power can only improve...