Tuesday, March 7, 2017

The dichotomy between having a baby and having a "big kid"...

When I was a young adult, I pined to have a baby. I had a few friends who married much younger than I did and had babies in their 20's. Meanwhile, I was that wallflower teenager that never had a high school boyfriend, and didn't really get all that much more social in college. Thus I had nobody who wanted to marry me in my 20's. :0 It was a long stretch of vocational discernment during grad school and immediately thereafter before I finally met and married Mike at 30, and we had Henry just under a year later.

And I found that the reality of actually having your own baby is much, much different from coveting babies on TV, and holding the adorable babies of your friends. I loved my babies, don't get me wrong, but I found, much to my surprise, that I enjoyed them MUCH more when they were older - when they weren't waking me every 2 hours during the night to nurse, and they didn't require me to watch them every single second lest they throw themselves down a set of stairs or shove their finger into a forgotten electrical outlet. For me, it was such a relief when they reached 4-5 years of age, and everybody was sleeping better and playing a bit more independently.

But there are downsides to this idyllic Sleep Wonderland in which I'm merely interrupted every minute and a half rather than sleep deprived and frantic. Exhibit A: when I have an infant, I have to be honest and admit that sometimes, just SOMETIMES...I don't feel like holding the baby. I love holding babies, and right at this moment I LONG for someone to come and deposit a newborn with me for the next 2 hours wherein I would sniff their head and squeeze them til they couldn't stand it a moment longer. But when you have your own baby, occasionally you ache to use the restroom or stick something in the microwave cook dinner without having a baby clinging to your chest.

Then they get older and you can breathe again. A bit. But then...

"Anne! Can I hold you, honey?"


*never breaks stride traversing the living room*


I miss that extra snuggliness. Granted, she *does* consent to cuddling still, it's just on her terms and timeline. I miss the cuddly baby stuff. But then I got up to bed knowing I can sleep til the morning without dealing with midnight sobbing attacks and explosive poo diapers, and realize that maybe my current lot in life isn't so bad. ;-) For everything, there is a season.

How is YOUR Tuesday going, dear reader? Nostalgic like mine?


  1. I really haven't had much time to think about it. I'm still just surviving with a whole other set of issues. HB was never a super affectionate one nor seemed to need it a whole lot. That's probably an autism thing, but it could also be just a personality thing. Some children feel loved in other non-physical ways. His brother on the other hand is the polar opposite. He always wants physical affection and likewise doles it out in large doses. He's five in case you are wondering. If I ask him for a hug, he's usually happy to oblige. I think it's a personality thing. Some kids just need that physical affection and others crave something else like verbal praise. I think the 5 love languages guy wrote a book about it for kids. Anne may not be one of those physical people. I know that I'm not. Kinda disappointed my dad a bit, but that's just how it goes with everyone. You gotta "speak" their love language.

    1. Oh that's so interesting! Such a good point about the love languages. Kids are people too! :0

  2. I'm still in the "trying to get through the day" phase of student teaching. I don't think that'll change much before I'm done. But I did have a lovely chat with the assistant principal after school which really brightened my day.
    I'm in the no boyfriend phase of my 20's, and not seeing that changing in the very near future, so the discernment process continues. Isabelle definitely helps with the snuggles, though she now just wants to move everywhere and doesn't let people hold her for long. And I have a few students who love hugs - just another reason I'm in early elementary school. ;-)

    1. Sam,

      We get our hugs where we can, yes. :) Anne will still want to sit on my lap and let me cuddle her, but only on her terms. :0

  3. Tiffany, My sister just had a baby, her third and first boy. Since I have two adult sons, holding my baby nephew brings back all of those new-mommy memories. I love the snuggling. Yes, there are days I still miss that, even after all these years. When I look at old photos, I wish I could just jump back to those moments and give the boys a squeeze, kiss them, fluff their hair, breathe in their just-out-of-the-bath smell, tickle their tummies until they laugh....AND THEN...jump back to the present! ha

    1. Robin,

      With you ALLLLLL the way, girl. Indeed. I see pictures of when Henry was little, and it makes me want to cry! On the other hand, I had post-partum depression and was totally miserable then, so I wouldn't exactly want to go back and live those days again. :0 But yes. I want to cuddle little Henry again. And I look forward to cuddling many more babies in my future!


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