Saturday, August 15, 2009

Reporting in from vacation...

Ok, well, things are mixed on my end. We got in safely. This is a good thing. Though annoying at times, Henry was pretty good for the duration of the travel period, which is also good. But my Typhoid Tiffany status only continues to grow, and I'm starting to think that perhaps I've offended God in some fashion, and He's smiting me with His powers in retribution.

The first night, after we arrived from the airport, I was beyond exhausted. Hank was all hyped up on adrenaline fumes, and Mike was a downright chatty Cathy. Me, on the other hand, could think only, longingly, of bed. Oh sweet, sweet bed. With a pillow and a blanket and blissful slumber. I was pretty pathetic, health-wise, but miraculously, I made it through the whole night without coughing.

Well. If you've seen my twitter updates, you know that I also developed pinkeye. The morning of our departure. This made things pretty interesting, and it also made for a pretty surly Catholic Librarian. I was able to secure some drops from my doctor mere hours before our flight, and I've been duitifully inserting them into my eye, so the pinkeye would clear prior to the family picture we were having snapped this morning. I had nearly 2 full days of drops prior to that, so I thought I was good. Then came last night.

We head to bed. All 3 of us are sleeping in one room here, Mike and I in the bed, Henry in a sleeping bag on the floor. Clearly, there's a lot at stake here for me to keep my sickly mouth shut. I cough, and cough and cough and cough, so hard that I do the choking thing again. My mother-in-law provides me with some cough syrup and lozenges, for which I was most grateful.

I loathe cough syrup, and am convinced that it secretly never works and just psychologically makes you feel that you should stop coughing, but I was desperate. Unfortunately, the type of cough syrup that she had in the house was for my father-in-law, who is diabetic. Thus, I was guzzling a substance called "Diabetic Tussin" and sucking frantically on sugar free cough drops. Granted, cough syrup never tastes good, but usually its flavor is somewhat overpowered by a truckload of artificial cherry flavoring. It'll probably give me cancer and kill me one day, but at least the flavor is "somewhat nasty" rather than "I may vomit and die right here right now." Diabetic Tussin has the distinction of tasting like what I can only compare to battery acid. Ain't nothin' can make that s@!# taste better, short of a pound of Splenda. I had to suppress my gag reflex to even get the stuff down my throat. GOOD HEAVENS.

Sheer, sheer desperation, I tell you. About 30 minutes after I ingested the vile liquid, I cease coughing. I quickly proceed to the bedroom and lay down on my mountain of pillows, trying to keep my head elevated. Stiff neck, yes, but risk of coughing is lowered. I doze off...

About 1 am I awaken. I start to cough. Trying to stave the coughing off makes it worse. I grab a sugar free lozenge and stuff it in my mouth. Yes, I was actually willing to risk choking to death in my sleep rather than cough anymore. It was just that bad. It doesn't work. I get up and go into the bathroom, and guzzle more battery acid. I don't think my stomach lining is ever going to forgive me. I actually have to leave the bathroom and go to the kitchen, where I can hack (and cry) without disturbing anyone. It takes at least 30 full minutes for the coughing to stop, and I had to fall asleep with lozenges in my mouth again.

Through all of this, I can see my eyes in the bathroom mirror. The pinkeye has moved from the right eye to the left, and it looks angry. Very, very angry. When I awaken in the morning, *both* of my eyes are sealed shut. I won't tell you the thought that crossed my mind, because it wasn't very nice. Quite un-Catholic, I assure you.

The transformation in the morning prior to the picture took quite some time. It's not easy making "death warmed over" metamorposize into "halfway decent." I managed, but barely. Thank God for retouching.

Anyway, as we approach evening, my left eye does look less angry. Mike and I going to dinner, so I hope that I can be fit to be seen in public by then.

In other news, 1 book down, many more to go...

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for commenting! I read and appreciate every single one, and I will respond to each one personally!