My love/hate relationship with pumping about to come to an end again...

This will be a short post since I picked up Anne's cold and am feeling decidedly less than 100% today. I will say that she's been sleeping through the night like a champ, but the morning wake up call of 5:45 am is still leaving me very, very tired, especially when sick. We're just hanging in there the best we can.

I'm feeling all vulnerable because her birthday is coming up, and in a few short days, I'll stop pumping. I'll continue to nurse her when I'm with her, but when I'm not, we switch to cow's milk at 1 year. Given that this is an issue relating to my babies, I'm all overly emotional about the whole thing.

I mean, on the one hand, I hate dragging my pump to work everyday. I'm already loaded down with my usual work and purse supplies, and the pump is another large bag to add to the mix. I also have to carve time out of my day to pump, and while that isn't a huge deal, it still can be a headache on some days. My milk supply is already down a ton anyway just due to her solids intake, and so my pumping is now down to once per day. I don't get uncomfortably full anymore. So, it's time. Plus, I still get my cuddly nursing time with her.

But on the other hand...I can't help it, it makes me sad. It's yet another milestone on the road to my baby growing up. And yes, that's a good thing, but it's difficult in it's own way. Due to my age, I don't know that we'll have another baby. And so even though my childbearing years are not yet over and we remain open to possibilities, there is more of a sense of finality this time, like "this could be it." And that elicits an outpouring of emotion.

I remember Mother Angelica once saying "Nothing lasts forever, Honey." Not in this world, at least. We can never get too comfortable or take things for granted, because they could change in the blink of an eye. I have two healthy children and I need to focus on the positives in my life rather than getting teary about things that have come and gone. But it's hard. Change is hard.

I remember so fondly this exact time last year, in the days and weeks leading up to Anne's birth. So special and exciting. Things are different this year, but I'm also (a) getting more sleep, and (b) not feeling gigantic. I guess that's good. :)

I just want to go home and sip tea now. *whines*

Oh, the naivete...

This morning, I attended the periodic reference training session held in the library that I work at. They're topical, and today's topic was maps, but we often begin or end with a "scavenger hunt" type reference question, just to keep us all on our toes in Reference Librarian Land. Today's question was:

I need to find 8 online dating sites that had 1 million or more members before 2004.

We're on it.

As a good reference librarian, I remembered to first think about what type of source would contain this type of information. A directory, no?


So away I go. But where would I find such a directory? I work in an academic library, and I'm not thinking that I'll find a print directory of dating sites in our reference collection. Apparently I'm as bad as the students I complain about, because I went right to Google. In I dutifully type: Directory Online Dating Sites.

One wouldn't think this would be a scandalous search query. One wouldn't think. But the following is an honest chronicle of what appeared on my search result screen (minus links, because I don't want any untoward attention on this blog :) ).

Ads for:

"Dating Site for All." Sounds innocent enough. "The most discreet dating site for adults." Hummmm. Ah. the url has the letter "x" in it. Next!

"Casual dating." The words "first affair" appear in the url. Moving on...

"Free dating sites online." Maybe? "Real generous and sexy people always" appears in the description. *sighs*

A site that has the word "sugardaddie" in the title is eliminated without further ado.

And my personal favorite: "Free millionaire dating. Why date losers with no future? Meet rich single men in your area!" Indeed! Who needs losers?

A site that advertised itself as a "directory of dating" is the first link I dared click on. It actually was a directory of dating sites, but it was a .com and it just seemed...I don't know, skeevy. Is that even a word? The dating sites were all categorized and some of the categories, well. I like to think of myself as modest, but I'm no prude, and I had no idea a market even existed for some of these things. Dating sites for married couples? What on earth is a "married single"? Oh. Oh my. I hit my browser back button.

After scrolling past sites for Muslims looking to find other Muslims and women from other countries looking for American men, I decided that maybe I had met my match in this reference question. I tried to revise my search query which only served to make matters worse. I kept my hand firmly off my mouse until the answer was revealed.

After that adventurous outing, I have to say that I'm glad I'm out of the dating scene. I'm not so sure that this is any better than some shady character slithering up to you in a bar. Ugh.

Henry's holy hour, plus less sneezing at the CL household...

Thankfully, both children seem to be on the upswing. Hank is still coughing, but didn't wake himself coughing last night at all. Anne didn't sneeze once this morning, plus seemed decidedly more "herself" and much less "terror in a purple sleeper."

I'll take it. In other news, I attended Henry's scheduled holy hour with his class yesterday. It was all a little masked in mystery, and turned out to be a holy hour honoring mothers. The priest exposed the Blessed Sacrament, and the children led some prayers, sang songs, and each read a letter that they'd composed to their mother. At the end, the priest led benediction, complete with incense, which the children were quite enamored with. Each mother also received a pair of rosary beads. It was precious.

And a plague will come amongst you...

The germs continue to sweep through our house. Henry has an unpleasant cough that is keeping him (and us) up at night. And coughs *linger*. How I hate them. Let me count the ways.

Anne, thankfully, is not coughing (much). But she's very sneezy and clingy. Half the time, junk comes out of her nose, so that's good. See what happens to a person when they have children? All decorum goes out the window with regard to talking about bodily functions. Nothing is sacred anymore.

Anyway, back on topic. Snot. So, when junk comes out of Anne's nose, we need to wipe her nose, yes? What is it that is #1 on the list of Things Babies Hate Most?

(1) Someone Is About To Wipe My Nose!!! 

It's not as if I'm approaching her with a piece of sandpaper. I have a tissue, and I *could* be gentle, if only she wouldn't wrench her head away from me and turn in the opposite direction lickety split.

Sigh. So she's been sneezing. And she's been VERY clingy, but honestly, I don't mind that. I secretly love it. Because then I get to snuggle her as much as I want. You can't put her down. After a time, if you make a serious effort to cheer her up, she MAY consent to being put down to play with an approved toy for a short period. She's been especially fond of her toys that play music. She'll push the button and dance. She'll play for a few more minutes. Then she'll come back to be held.

She's precious.

Last night I really thought the bedtime routine was going to be a big debacle since both children were feeling so poorly. Mike and I decided to divide and conquer: he took Hank, I took Anne. Hank, thankfully, didn't cough much and fell asleep in a reasonable amount of time, with a little cup of water by his side. I nursed Anne for what seemed like forever (she wasn't so into her solids yesterday and just wanted to nurse) and got her *really* sleepy, rather than putting her down awake, since I knew the going-to-sleep process is tougher when sick. I got her practically sleeping and laying with her ducky lovie before sneaking out of the room. Naturally, she popped awake, but she did settle pretty quickly after that.

Thus, I seized the opportunity to belly dance in the kitchen. I really can't practice when Anne is awake, unless she's contentedly in her high chair. She either wants me to hold her or goes off to get into trouble. So when both kids are asleep, I pounce. I've taken to creating a messy corner on our counter with my ipod dock, sword, veil, and notebook for jotting down new combinations. I normally don't like messes, but I'm desperate. I cant take the time to ferret all that stuff out each night, time is a precious commodity these days.

Anyway, I have a new veil wrap planned for my solo entrance, and I did finally select a song. It's just a fun Arabic pop song, because, well, they're FUN. And if it's fun, it's easier for me to improvise to. Anything that oils that process along is a good thing. I'm also finally using a veil in a solo performance, although granted I'm shedding it about 30 seconds into the piece. Veils make me very nervous. They're beautiful, but they don't always do what they're told. I don't need a piece of fabric upstaging me. Maybe next time I can use a veil for an entire number, but for the time being, this is an improvement. I've been having a lot of fun with it.

Tomorrow is my sword class again, so we're keeping things interesting. The hafla is just over a month away, yikes. I'm having Mike come to play photographer. This makes me even more nervous, but what can a dancer do?

Sneezing abounds...

"Hank, how was your cough today at school, Sweetie?"

"I coughed, Mommy. A lot. And I sneezed too. There was so much snot."

Fabulous.

He has a cold, and now Anne has it too. She sneezed all over her Puffs this morning and has now started coughing.

As a parent, I have come to LOATHE coughing. Because 1 person coughing means the entire house gets no sleep. And we know the story with sleep. I can't believe how naive I was as a child and an unmarried adult just expecting that every night when I went to bed, I'd get sleep.

*unladylike snort*

Hank has been coughing the past two nights, and now I'm fearful Anne will join him.

*sobs*

Henry and his Magnifikid!

The first weekend of May marked Henry's first use of his paid Magnifikid! subscription. I had requested a trial issue via their web site, and they're very nice about it, they send you an entire month worth! Each week is its own separate issue, it's quite cute. His trial issues were for March, and by time I decided to go ahead and order him a subscription, our first issues to arrive were for May. They're always a full month ahead, we actually just received his issues for June over the weekend.

And he missed it during April. He kept asking me for it when we'd go to Mass, and wanting to just use the May issues. Me being me (Type A personality) I refused. Using a May issue during April? I DON'T THINK SO.

Thus, yesterday he was very happy to be reunited with his little booklets. This week's included a word fine, which is always a huge hit.

*stage whisper* "Mommy!"

"What, Honey?"

"What does D-i-s-c-i-p-l-e-s spell?"

"Disciples, Honey."

"Oh, ok. I can't find it. Can you help me?"

He really seems to enjoy them, and I'm glad I got him a subscription. He's been a lot better behaved at Mass for a couple months now. I do feel, though, that he's still not "connecting" at Mass, and he goes only because I insist. We'll get there, though. He doesn't complain about going anymore, so that's good. On Wednesday evening, we have some sort of holy hour to go to at his school for a class project, and I'm looking forward to that. He isn't, but alas. :)  I'm sure it's going to be all very cute. He claims that they each have a role "presenting" something, which confused me, since I assumed it was a Eucharistic adoration holy hour. When I asked for details, he asked if I wanted him to tell me (clearly his preferred response) and "ruin the surprise" but in that case, I said no. I'm expecting something adorable. Perhaps a May crowning?

*squeals*

An end to a good week

And why is this? One word:

SLEEP.

I've been getting SLEEP. And when that happens, I feel like I could conquer Mt. Everest.

Last night I had my balance class, and although I still have a long way to go, my confidence is increasing. And I had my very own sword with me! It looks all scary and crazy, I love it. And it and I have bonded. It feels secure on my head, and I know which one is mine right away just by looking at the markings on its hilt. It's just a little sword love fest.

Last night we worked on placing the sword on our heads while dancing. As expected, that was hard to do. We also started a short choreography for the upcoming hafla. And although I still need to work on my confidence when dancing in public, I've gotten so much better about performing. Exhibit A: It didn't even faze me when Claire mentioned that we'd each need to come up with an improvised segment to insert towards the end as our "solo time." I used to freak out dancing in a single class number, and now I stick swords on my head and make up stuff right on the spot.

This makes me very proud. :) Life just continues to get more and more interesting as I get older,  I tell you. I think it's because we care less and less about what others think and just pursue the things that we truly enjoy. Because life is short. We should make ours meaningful.

Upcoming 'Year of Faith', and a short book review

I've known about this for some time now, but it's been popping up in my head a bit more lately: the upcoming "Year of Faith" that Pope Benedict announced will take place from mid-October 2012 until late November 2013.

I like dedicated, themed things like this. It's right up my alley. So, when I first heard that there would be a new "Year of..." I got all excited. Then when I heard that it was be the "Year of Faith" I have to admit, I felt a bit deflated. I mean, doesn't that seem just a hair vague?

However, I know that oftentimes I'm too short-sighted, and I trust the pope to pave an interesting way for us. And in fact, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith has written a little missive to guide us as we prepare for this upcoming year. It includes goals for the year on both the diocesan and parish level.

For me, I think that the year will be a good time to reflect on a few things.

(1) What does it mean for my life that I have faith in God? How strong is my faith? Are there things that I can do to increase my faith?

(2) What does it mean for my life that I have *our* Faith? What does my Catholic identity mean to me, and how do I reflect it to others?

Relatedly, I've been reading book 4 in the John Paul 2 High series, Undercover Papist, and it includes a lot of apologetics in the plotline. It's making me feel very proud to be Catholic. :) I highly recommend this book, as I do the whole series. In this installment, one of our main characters starts going to a large evangelical church and experiences an emotional conversion. When she renounces her Catholic faith, states that she won't be returning to John Paul 2 High, and is attending a summer Bible Camp affiliated with her new church, another one of our favorite characters signs up as a camp-goer in order to try and convince her to return to her Catholic roots. It's excellent, and may even be my favorite book in the series! The books are very reasonably priced in print from both the publisher and from Amazon, but for Kindle they are a mere $5 each! You should read them!

Pattern of the week...

I haven't blogged about knitting or crocheting in awhile, so I thought I'd update. I'm very much busy at home with my needle crafts. Lately, I'm quite into cotton (as is seasonally appropriate) and have been making some dish cloths and other gifts, including a dress for Anne. Oh, I can post a picture, can't I?

It's made with Lion Brand Cotton Ease. And speaking of Lion Brand, the pattern I'm about to embark on is a free one, and it's for Cottontail Kitchen Towels for Mother's Day. I need their recycled cotton yarn for that, and although I have some in my stash that I can use, I need to stop at JoAnn's on my way home to procure the yellow and the coordinating colors. That's an adorable pattern, you should make some too. :) I'm going to modify it to create some matching dish cloths, as well. I'm a fiend for kitchen knitting. Why? I have no notion. But I love handknit dish cloths and towels.

Those not-so-glamorous parenting tasks...

The children have been particularly active lately ("No Honey, don't do THAT!") and it got me to thinking about the parenting tasks that we all dread in the moment, but can joke about later. :) I think there are many of them, for all of us. Let's hone in on the recent examples...

(1) I Can Fit Through There! - Anne's newest trick is to (attempt to) squeeze her little self through small openings, usually barriers erected to keep her out and from killing herself. Sometimes she fits through, sometimes not. This does not discourage her from trying. She gets stuck a lot, and is now vocal enough to let us know to come to her rescue. Her efforts seem to focus on (a) a shrieking volume, and (b) irritable tone.

"DA DA DA DA *BAAAAAAAAAA*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *a bursting into tears*

This happens *frequently*. And inevitably, it's when your hands are busily cutting raw chicken or some equivalent task.

(2) Can You Check To See If I Got It All? - This one's a favorite. I'll set the scene: Mike is teaching. I'm home with both children. I've already fixed Henry's supper. I've fed Anne. Finally, I whip up dinner for myself while Anne plays with her Cheerios. This will take some time, because I'm going to want an omelette. I don't know why, but I love breakfast for dinner. I'm weird like that. I mix the eggs and a dash of milk. I cut up some cheese and veggies. I warm the skillet. I begin to cook the egg mixture. I toast some bread and butter it. I may heat up a sausage patty. I pour myself a drink. I flip the omelette. I may utter a swear word, because sometimes I don't wait long enough and make a mess in the flippage process. Finally, the omelette is done. The toast is done. The sausage patty is done. My drink is on the table. I grab a napkin. I sit down. I get Anne more Cheerios. I lift a forkful of fluffy eggs and creamy cheese to my lips and...

Hark. What is that?

It's Henry. And he's in the bathroom.

"MMMOOOMMMMYYYYY! I NNNEEEEEDDDD YOU!"

Oy.

Yes, that's right. It's a request for assistance involving the action verb "to wipe." Just what I want to be doing right in the middle of eating. Mike and I talk with such longing in our voices about the day when we have to wipe nobody's rear end but our own. Those days are a long way off, my friends.

(3) It Smells Funny Over By Anne - Anne is very insidious with this one. When Henry was a baby, if he dirtied a diaper, the entire room knew about it. One time, on Christmas Eve no less, the entire church knew about it. Anne is not like that. It's all very quiet and dainty, but there's no disguising the telltale smell. So she's scooped up and summarily deposited on her changing table. That's when the fun begins.

For one thing, she thinks it's great fun to twist around real quick-like and attempt to leap off the changing table. She's smaller than we are, so we can wrangle her back into position, but then she plays her trump card: a sudden, rapid reaching motion *down there*.

Suddenly, she has poo on her hands. Which means I get poo on MY hands. Many wet wipes are tore from the container in a panic. Her hands are wiped. My hands are all wiped. And all of this is taking place while desperately trying to keep her squirming butt from smearing poo all over the changing pad. Once our hands are halfway decent, the wiping process continues, and as Mike exclaimed as soon as he changed her first diaper home from the hospital, "this is different from changing Hank when he was a baby; there are so many *folds*!" Yes, the girl diapers do require a bit more time management and wipeage skill. It's all very exhausting.

(4) "Uh Oh. Don't Worry Mommy, You Can't Even See Where the Juice Went!" - Mike and I are tidy people. This is a polite way of saying that we're a bit anal, and quite possibly obsessive-compulsive. If we didn't have children, we'd probably have a white couch. But we do have children. So, we have a hand-me-down couch that is a loud print that we both hate. But I tell you, that thing has had every fluid known to manKIND spilled on it, and no one is the wiser. I'm sure all of my local friends and family are so glad to know this for when they come to visit. When we get rid of this thing, we're just going to have to burn it.

And so, the possibilities are endless, but that's my top 4. Thank goodness for Oxy Deep.